Partner in Crime

Belly monitor for the stress test

So I’m running into a potential problem with two midwives at our practice. Namely the problem is this: I can’t stand them. :)

I know that’s terrible to say, and if it was just a personality problem, then I’d be a Big Girl and wouldn’t mention it.  However, since the midwives will be the ones with us in the delivery room for the majority of our time in the hospital, I think that liking them and knowing they’ll listen to you are two very important aspects of the relationship (right?), and these particular midwives have failed on both accounts. I inquired of a nurse/friend what to do if either of these midwives are on-call when I go into labor, and the verdict was to basically just suck it up and not worry about what they think of me as I fight for the labor experience I want.  Luckily Ryan will be by my side and, despite being a generally nice guy, has a really intense protective side (poet/warrior) and will go head-to-head with whomever stands in our way.

And speaking of Ryan’s dual personality, I believe that this little girl definitely has a bit of that in her.  I can tell (beyond basic intuition) because she’s been really well-behaved and sweet during all of the poking and prodding and ultrasounds done by the staff members that have been nice and supportive.  On the other hand, when Disliked Midwife #1 was listening to her heartbeat (during the infamous Bellyflop Debacle) and was chastising me for a number of things that I disagreed with, she straight up KICKED the midwife’s hand directly.  I was boiling over internally as she was jabbering on to me, but I held my tongue–which worked out well because the baby told her off FOR me.  The midwife was shocked for a second because it seemed like such a purposeful motion by the baby that it made her shut up.  I smirked and just looked at her silently. Take that!

You may think that it was just a small coincidence, which I did at first too. Then, I had an appointment with Disliked Midwife #2 (the same one who tried to force me to get a flu shot), and once again, as she tried to force a Zofran prescription upon me unnecessarily, the baby jabbed her harder than she’s ever punched.  Once again the midwife was surprised because it was a direct hit and clearly was reflective of my attitude toward the discussion.  She made a comment about it, and my subsequent silence sufficed in ending the conversation.

AND THEN IT HAPPENED AGAIN!  I’m not kidding.  Last week I met with a really nice doctor, and the baby handled his poking and prodding just fine, but because her movement has been way less than it has been previously, they did a stress test.  As they were prepping me for the belly monitor, I was finishing up with my list of questions, and came to my final problem: What are my options if either of these midwives are on-call during my labor? (Just wanted the doctor’s official verdict on the subject.)  Unfortunately, as I was about to broach the subject, one of the midwives came in the room, and I had to hold my tongue…and then the baby about stuck her foot straight through my stomach in the direction of the midwife as if to say, “Hey, get the heck outta’ here; we’re talking about you!”  I almost laughed out loud!  In fact, the doctor actually did, commenting, “Well, at least we know she’s moving now!”

I know it sounds crazy, but I really feel like I can tell what her personality is going to be like already, and I can’t wait to see her grow up.  She’s such a sweetheart most of the time, but she has opinions and  already won’t let anyone mess with her.  (Her sweetness clearly comes from Ryan, but that opinionated attitude? Hmmm…I have no idea where she gets that from.  Must be a fluke.  Ha!)  Thankfully as I’ve gotten older I’ve learned to be a little better at holding my tongue, and, perhaps as a reward for my good behavior, God’s given me a kid who will have the audacity (and excuse, since she’ll be “an innocent kid who doesn’t know any better”) to say what I’m thinking…the perfect partner in crime!

(And, by the way, the other 99% of the staff members at our practice–doctors, nurses and midwives–are amazing, so the odds are in my favor for having a great midwife on-call for the delivery.  Also, just to quell any fears, the stress test turned out fine; she’s just getting too big to move as much.  Yikes!)

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