Dear Baby Belly,
Hi, old friend. It’s time for one of those tough conversations that no one ever wants to have. This is an intervention, and your actions have negatively effected me in many ways.
Nearly three years ago you started down a rough path. Baby #1 was a doozy, and after a nine-month bender, I was sure you’d mended your ways. There were signs of improvement, a light at the end at the tunnel, but as soon as I began to take heart that you’d changed your ways and straightened out, Baby #2 came around. And Baby #2? Well, that one was even bigger, and when all was said and done, you were left deflated and empty, just like we feared.
Don’t get me wrong, there were good times, too. Remember all those yummy slices of Mama’s pizza? And Chick-fil-a chicken biscuits? How about the burgers? And oh, the fountain drinks! (Like tiny cups of caffeinated heaven! Mmm.) I mean, those were good times. Gooood times. And I’ll never forget them, but that was in the past. We’ve had a good run, but the times, they are a’ changin’. The fun is over. The babies have been had. (By the way, thank you for that–for all the stretching and growing and making room for little humans–but that phase of life is over.) Just as much as those babies have outgrown me, I’ve now outgrown you. Time to part ways. No tears, okay? Seriously, stop crying.
But take heart. There are good times ahead. Sure, they might not be streets of gold lined with donuts and fast food, but they’ll be good in their own ways. Just think of the clothes we’ll buy! Imagine the fitted shirts and jersey maxi dresses we’ll wear! The Spanx we’ll throw away! And the non-elastic waistbands! Oh, to live in a world with jeans that have real waistbands! Sure those maternity jeans shaped you well, but you’re better than that, or rather, you’ll be better than that soon enough.
There’s hard work ahead of us, old friend, but we can do it. Together we’ll take this journey, follow this path laden with crunches and carrots, and when all is said and done, we will say goodbye one last time. I’ll miss you, I will. But in so many ways I know I’ll be better without you, and you without me. So farewell Baby Belly. You were good while you lasted.
Love Your Former BFF,
P.S. Sorry about the hat, Cricket. :/